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Beak of boat sailing on river

“Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex.”

~ Havelock Ellis

We think of depth as a descent to the ocean floor or soaring into limitless space. And while liberating ourselves from emotional blocks certainly empowers healthy expression in the human world out there, it also allows us to plumb the internal depths of our reality in here. Sadly, many cannot identify even with their capacity for attaining such depth. Wounding messages that one is superficial and lacks depth, or distorted associations of spiritual depth with moroseness and depression, can create an unwillingness to go deeper. We may fear that trauma lurks in the depths or entertain the false idea that going deep requires uncovering and solving every mysterious secret.

But at its heart, depth of experience or knowledge simply requires the expenditure of patient, quality time. Just by being present in this moment, connecting these very words in this sentence to grasp their meaning, signifies an incredible depth of comprehension using the reading skills that were once impenetrable to you. Likewise, with loving attention you will learn to read your own and your lover’s body and soul in bed.

Depth is your due, the thread that binds life together, your through-line, the all-inclusive perspective of your life. Sexuality is not separate from this, your exceptionally profound vantage point. Your past sexual feelings and experiences bestow sexual maturity in the present, and they’re all part of who you are. Realize when you meet another in sex, you’re giving a singular gift that no one else can give–and avoid the flipside where you see yourself as God’s gift! Let your depths reveal your sexual potential, like the maps of ancient travelers gradually discovering the corners of the world, like a puzzle disclosing its own image.

Daily  Healthy Sex Acts:

  • Do you affirm your depth? What messages prevent you from doing so? Depth is one area where voiced affirmations can have incredible power. Tell yourself: “I affirm my depth.” Let your partner know: “I want us to experience deeper fulfillment.”
  • Take a risk, and share your feelings–not with sentences but with direct sharing. You probably know how to silently express your anger, nervousness, or frustration. Today, show the depth of your love with unrepressed feeling.
  • Involve your whole body in every action. Rather than isolating body parts, make love with your entire being.

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