“Every gesture, every caress, every touch, every glance, every last bit of the body has its secret, which brings happiness to the person who knows how to wake it.”
~ Herman Hesse
There are many debates about what constitutes healthy sex and no one person has the final definition–except you. You have to decide what is and isn’t healthy for you depending on your past, what you know about yourself today, and what safely brings you pleasure. A general guideline of aspects for you to check is S.A.F.E.: Is it Secretive or Shaming? Is it Abusive to you or your partner, whether verbally, emotionally, physically, or sexually? Is it used to escape Feelings? Does it require an Emotional connection with another?
As you continue to define healthy sex and to develop your own safe scripts, consider that deepening your sense of self and embracing your own erotic, animal nature is a benefit of the sexual freedom you seek. Create a climate with your partner of mutual respect and honor, and notice how you feel after a sexual encounter. An embodied sense of self that feels congruent, whole, and good likely means you’re on the right track. As you hone your erotic lovemap, you may dare to demand the experience of staying in the present moment and staying relational with your partner. Seek surrender and vulnerability, and take risks you may have avoided in the past. Challenge yourself to feel deeply and to love with your entire body, mind, and soul.
Daily Healthy Sex Acts:
- Take time to envision your most erotic self. What’s missing from your experience today, and what do you need to do to take a step toward your vision? Share this with your partner.
- Talk to your partner about trying something new the next time you have sex. Will this be making eye contact during the moment of orgasm, sharing a sexual fantasy that includes the two of you, or using massage oils? Bring to life one aspect of your vision of your most erotic self.